


I Thought You Would Never Leave

by sharleclerc



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Break Up, Canon Gay Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Falling In Love, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharleclerc/pseuds/sharleclerc
Summary: Daniel made a choice that put his relationship with Max at stake, causing him to deteriorate in that situation. Even with all the frustration and consequences of the loss, they both needed that time apart, for one day, who knows, to put their pieces back together.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Kudos: 11





	I Thought You Would Never Leave

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Welcome to another fanfic of mine, and this time about the couple we love the most.
> 
> First statement: English isn't my native language, so ignore some grammatical errors.
> 
> Some changes were made for a better continuity of this story, so it will not always be 100% cohesive with real life. Oh, and Daniel is married in this version, let's call the chosen lady by Jess, okay?
> 
> Have fun! Find me on tumblr, sharleclerc.
> 
> [SPOILER ALERT] Not so happy end!

**February 2019**

The news came solid, impetuous, it hurt like a barbaric crime, a human atrocity that some couldn't endure, not even the one with the greatest self-confidence and professional sustainability, because his insides succumbed to an internal insecurity that only brought chaos through much impulsiveness, although these attitudes were always justified with youth and the eternal process of maturing. But, within the emotional message of that recently read book — even though reading wasn't part of his most common habits —, on page twenty-one, there was: " _You become forever responsible for what you captivate_ ".

Max Emilian walked the familiar paddock with his feet in the ground, crossed the three meters from one box to the other carrying all his repulsion, his face burned violently and his heart beat in a heart rate unable to face medicine. There was so much pain in his chest that, if it were to burn, it would still be little to clarify everything that was emotionally involved by its psychological burden. He was beside himself, at twenty-one he was beside himself. It was a new experience for him in terms of feeling, that man was everything in his life; his breathing, his strength, his vitality and his confidence, losing him was out of the question, being left out of the picture, and all those moments were being thrown away.

Just over five months ago, they gave the first kiss, it seemed so right and at the same time so absurd, the way everything went so smoothly between them, as if it were normal, routine, as if there were no obstacles, as if Jess didn't existed, as if the sport was always a plan B, or as if Max should feel safe whenever he was in the arms of a man who was not his. Three months ago, in Abu Dhabi, when the two thousand and eighteen season was over, Daniel promised things he would never fulfill, opened his heart to a reckless young man who lived on the edge of the line of reasoning, and although he knew how dangerous it was loving Max, he wanted it to work, to feel right and to be able to feel the continuous peace he always had when they were alone.

But one of them had to choose. Max would choose Daniel forever, but Daniel chose to leave.

"You fucking liar!" Max abandoned his decency when he pushed Daniel by the shoulders, a magnetic force he acquired with anger.

Christian Horner, who hovered over the shadow of the box and consequently dialogued with Daniel, was almost hit. "Max?! What happened to you?"

"Don't get involved!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, he would have pushed the team leader if he hadn't moved away. Daniel was still watching scared. "I trusted you!"

Max's frustration about the situation seemed obvious, as well as it seemed useless in the eyes of others, to see him deteriorating more and more by someone who would leave his life as if nothing had had an ounce of value. Unfortunately for the scuderia image, the box was open, wide open, people in the other boxes watched indiscriminately and some cameras approached as Max gave his show. Daniel spoke softly, gestured, tried to calm him down, but nothing seemed enough for someone who had his heart broken hours ago. Max was at the height of his euphoria, his face red, tears streaming, his voice cracking, the legitimate scene of something that no one around expected to see again since Lewis Hamilton also lost his teammate. It was completely ridiculous, in the same way that he felt like a clown.

"You promised!" Max screamed and gave the man in front of him another push, by then Horner was the one who closed the box. No more viewers. "You said you would never leave me!"

"Max, I-" Daniel swallowed, nothing he said now would make sense, because he too was lost. "I…"

And there he was, his boy, pink cheeks and tears in his eyes, biting the back of his hand to avoid crying, wearing that beautiful blue jumpsuit that always fell so well on him, but little by little the image of that angel disappeared away from him. Staying only in his memory. Daniel would never survive Max Emilian's touch at that moment, but how he wanted to take him in his arms and take away all his pain, which he himself caused. He couldn't say anything, Max looked at him with disgust, pain, sadness and longing, all the feelings Daniel would never purposely bring to the love of his life, but he was a complete mess now, and nothing, nothing in the world could be capable to erase all the mistakes he made.

_**[Memories]** _

**November 2018, Abu Dhabi**

The pale, naked and hot body that sleep on the big bed of the hotel was a hover for Daniel's perspective to become the perfect masterpiece, Max used to be on the tracks something he wasn't when they were alone, trapped in that translucent bubble of hidden feelings and lack of Communication. The man was leaning against the door of the bathroom of that luxurious suite, although Max was undressed, they never really made love, just a few intimate caresses that started a month ago, when life became treacherous with both of them and they fell headlong in that feeling. Max was beautiful, despite his youthful body and little by little in formation, he was still enough for the one who watched him sleep; she had a sturdy ass, the hands of a newborn angel, and lips that were contoured by the rosy skin that turned red every time they kissed.

When the boy fidgeted between the white sheets and woke up, Daniel feared that he was the reason Max had awakened, but his heart melted in a subtle way when the youngest gave him that huge and sincere smile from those who were at peace, in safety. Daniel walked back to bed and joined the other to enjoy a little more before the morning came and they had to leave for the last race of the year; the embrace full of life and affection lasted longer than planned, almost causing Max to fall asleep again, but Daniel was too full to be silent.

"I could spend the whole day here with you." Daniel said, breaking the silence and taking the boy's attention. "And just to think that very soon I will have to go back…"

Max interrupted Daniel, holding him in the face and looking at him. "Dan, I don't want to think about what will happen next."

"Ok, you're right." The man smiled and placed a kiss on the top of the younger man's head. "It doesn't really matter."

"Just…" Max sighed and moved away to sit on the bed and cover the lap with the sheet. "I don't want to spend this vacation without you, as it did the other time."

Daniel smiled, there was so much he would like to put into words. "It won't. I'm never going to stay away from you. I never," He paused to sit up too and hold Max's hands and then kiss them. "… Never, never, I will never leave you, Max Emilian."

_**[End of memories]** _

Max — the sweet Max Emilian in the eyes of the aging Australian — wished Daniel to die, pejoratively, and shouted those hard words to the rest of the paddock. A freak show. He broke a computer, dropped tires, pushed some of the mechanics and kicked the wall, just as he wanted to send the older man to the hell with his bare hands. Christian Horner tried to calm his spirits, but it was Daniel who left, took his turn and left. Max, discredited, in pain and miserable, had no choice but to leave, too, on the other side.

**-**

Sophie has tried to ease the situation since Max arrived in his home country to spend the holidays with his family, but he was devastated in every way imaginable. He cried all the water out of his body, broke some frames in the room and tore his pictures with Daniel, just as he wanted to get rid of all the Australian's clothes, but the boy's mother did not let him take such an impulsive attitude as that one and kept the clothes until he could return them. They never had anything serious, but Max felt like they were breaking up, it was painful, sickly, bizarre how he felt hurt and lost at that moment, in his twenty-one years, he never imagined anything like that, especially coming from the one he loved most.

Around midnight, when that terrible day was ending, Max took a long shower and then laid his head on his mother's lap, where he found a little peace and welcome since he stopped having the arms that always welcomed him. Sophie was hurt as much as her son, but she could never intervene in anything like that, in Daniel's or Scuderia's decisions, because she avoided talking about Formula 1 at home, however, she needed to talk to Max about the things that hurt him, that the youngest could put out all that negative charge.

"Do you remember when your only concern was going to school, eating your favorite cookies and watching Dinosaucers?" Sophie commented, bringing back a good memory that served as a nourishment for that heart. She stroked her son's silky blond hair and he closed his eyes. "Your world revolved around what you loved the most... why should it be any different now, uh?"

Because my world is him, Max meant.

"Dinosaucers were cool." Max laughed, though tearfully. "My favorite was orange because it was the strongest."

"You always made good choices, huh?" Sophie smiled too, almost moved. "It doesn't have to change."

Max was irreversible at times, he didn't open up, he didn't let off steam, he didn't solve his problems and he was, for the most part, a spoiled and bossy boy, but Daniel could still see his heart and all the good things he could say and do. With Daniel, he felt valid. Max stayed in his mother's lap for a while until he almost fell asleep and was sent to his room, but when he lay down on the bed, he couldn't sleep, the memory of that beautiful and thoughtful man who was once by his side yet it haunted him, it was a fine line between everything that did him good and everything that took his life. And for the first time, thinking about Daniel consumed him in the worst way.

Without thinking rationally, nor for his professional side, Max let himself be carried away by anguish, anger and longing. He did what he promised not to do: he put on Daniel's hoodie and went to sleep crying.

 **-**

Daniel Joseph Ricciardo was despicable. Countless factors were necessary for this to happen, for it to come to ruin; first, the marriage to Jess was going from bad to worse, with less than a year of marriage, Daniel proved on the most demonic side of his wife, in a toxic relationship full of abuse and fights where, oddly enough, the man was injured physically and psychologically; then, his job, where things weren't balanced and RBR was no longer his control point, and that was when the shit happened, when he gave up everything for Max's future and mental health.

But now, his situation was deplorable. A week later, when the news was opened to the public, he still couldn't deal with the burden of his own choices, he spent most of his time locked up in Nico's house, drinking and deteriorating more and more. Hülk was an important piece in this puzzle, he was the one who was taking care of Daniel, cooking for his friend and encouraging him to be better by himself, but Ricciardo lost his shine and he was no longer that silly, smiling and cheerful guy. As much as that routine of sadness, hurt and lack of bath for three days was comfortable for Daniel, he still needed to work things out with Jess, and he was willing to do that, if it weren't for the notification on his cell that caught his attention. It was from Twitter.

" _Max Verstappen mentioned you in a tweet_."

" _.@danielricciardo, it was great having you as a teammate on and off the track. I'll see you soon, let the good times roll 👊🏻 #CheersDan_ "

It definitely couldn't be happening. It was a tweet from Max saying goodbye to Daniel as his teammate, followed by a photo of the two hugging each other where Max smiled like never before, and what hurt most in the Australian wasn't the words of goodbye, but seeing his little boy so happy in that image and think that the last time they saw each other, he wasn't like that — quite the opposite. Daniel couldn't contain his tears and wanted to hug his cell, but that wouldn't do any good and things wouldn't go back to normal like that. He wouldn't be able to answer that tweet anytime soon, so he just blocked the device and went back to his personal bubble.

"Hey, dude." Nico nudged the friend who was sleeping on the sofa, intending to wake him up. "I made some pasta for dinner, I left it on the table."

"Hm?" Daniel slowly deserted, running a hand over his face. "Thanks…"

"Oh, and I'm going for a walk..." Hülk communicated and the other nodded. "But first, I wanted to say something."

"Yeah?"

"See if you can take a shower, Dany." Nico covered his nose with his hand and they both laughed. "I know you don't have your best days, but that way you will impregnate my sofa with that bad smell."

"Yeah, right." Daniel nodded, rising afterwards. "I'm going, man… I just don't promise it will be today."

**-**

Max ignored all calls and messages from Daniel during that entire month, nothing that came from that man was welcome in his life, he was hurt enough to repay him with the same pain, if possible, but of course he wouldn't. Not even if planned. They didn't see each other during the vacation, as Daniel had promised, and it was necessary for Max to become who he became; focused on himself, his career and his goals. There was no more room for Ricciardo in his life at that time, not lovingly, and if he still wanted to have the Australian around, well, he would need to act more professionally. This was going to be a tough year for both of them, but the competition would be sure on the track.

Max would miss Daniel, but the more free you leave the person you love, the more he will be confortable to be with you. It was a valid theory.


End file.
